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  • Writer's pictureUmi

"First love" / poem

I'm challenging the emptiness in my hollow

ribcage, by creating physical one with a lack of food

As empty as I get,

and as long as I with hold eating,

it won't do anything

The cigarettes you begged me to stop

smoking did less damage to be than you did,

they scarred my lungs,

but you scarred my heart.

so I drowned my sorrows in my vanishing

waistline and ecstatic purple pilled haze to forget,

that I would rather have been drowning in a lake

I chewed the inside of my cheek,

sauce pan eyes,

to forget the enveloping emptiness

I scared my mum,

I scared myself,

I have the bloody wrists to prove it

Nothing will numb the absence of the person

who loved you enough to make you forget

your own self-hatred

So just starve until you die,

until you don't have to endure your empty chest,

and don't have a beating heart to be broken,

You won't have to cry crimson,

and sob salt water as a result


I'm sorry mummy,

but I just want him back

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