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  • Writer's pictureUmi

Advice for a painful breakup

Updated: Mar 3, 2021

There's no easy way to get over it. Break ups suck. But thanks to the people around you (and the Internet) you don't have to go through it alone. If you're here for exactly that reason then I'm glad, I wouldn't wish heartbreak on my worst enemy. Read on for some wise advice to get you through the pain that is a breakup. It doesn't include texting him girl (put your phone down)!

Usually it starts with days and days of crying, moping, eating Ben & Jerry's straight outta the tub and feeling excrutiatingly sorry for yourself (I mean who else will right) but after a while there comes a time we have no tears left to cry and grow from the whole situation, which is probably the most rewarding part. The last part is the hardest to reach but if this is you right now then don't worry! We've all had our fair share of crazy ex's and horrible breakups filled with too much McDonalds and sad love songs...

I get it. Whether it's having zero closure or everything is reminding you of the person, it isn't an easy process to go through. Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days and you just can't seem to shake the feeling of being so out of place in your own body. Theres a series of things your mind goes through when you separate from someone, as it is a form of grievance, so the number one rule is don't be too hard on yourself.

"What if" seems to be the question that drags us all down when we're going through something like this. As hard as it is not to think about what could've been, DON'T do it to yourself. It's not worth your tears! Remember there will be days worse than others, some days you might feel on top of the world, but don't be surprised to find yourself crying again the next day because you saw something that reminded you of him (it's going to be like that for a while). Let yourself feel sad, let yourself feel happy. It's all part of the process and every move you make in a forward direction no matter how big or small, contributes to your growth. I've been through my share of break ups which were nowhere near easy. I would cry myself to sleep most days, zone out in class, over eat and feel super out of place everywhere I went, as well as many more horrible things. But I'm lucky to have the amazing friends and family around me that recognised my progress and held my hand through it, as yours should too! Be as kind to yourself in recognising your steps to freedom as anyone else would.

As I said its great to have friends and family around you at these times, but don't let people around you make you feel like there should be a time limit on how fast you get over this person. Only you know your true feelings and if they're not going to add anything positive to the situation then maybe they need to go too. I've had people make me feel pathetic for being upset for a long time, but its completely fine and just because it might not be the end of the world doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. I felt crazy and often questioned whether I was being over dramatic, even though I was in such a dark place. Someone's small problem could be someones biggest disaster and that's okay! We all react and deal with things differently to one another.

Situations like this build so much character and strength, you're never starting over with someone new after a breakup, you're only starting with experience! You might get your heart broken 10 times before you find the right person but personally I think it makes you independent and able to be stronger and more stable as a person. You won't face the same mistakes and you will have enough boundaries to walk away from anything that isn't meant for you in the future.

The example I like to use to put a break up into perspective is when you're addicted to something like drugs and you come off of it suddenly, you have withdrawal symptoms. You might cry, lash out and have serious problems coping. It's the same when you're inlove with someone and you separate from them. You make that person your source of happiness and distraction so when you breakup your mind is a little like what the hell is this?! It doesn't feel right for a long time so you feel emotionally unstable and crazy, this is why its important to gain independence from these situations. It's important to gain so much self love & respect for yourself after this that you"ll look back and realise how worthy you are of love and happiness! Don't depend on someone or anything external for happiness, it has to come from inside or you'll always be looking for the next thing to fulfil you.

I really believe it takes someone to break you and take all of your power from you to realise how much you need it. You realise how much you need to be your own best friend & boss before you're anyone elses. The most important relationship in your life should be with yourself. Once you reach this level of strength its amazing and its a feeling no one can take away from you, things happen to build you to become wiser and eventually these problems turn into lessons. You can use it in the future to your advantage as well as help other people too!

At the end of the day you need to do what's best for you and your mental health. It's easy to dwell on the good times but remember you broke up for a reason. Don't continue stalking on social media, don't be afraid to unfollow on everything and if you have friends posting your ex then unfollow them too! Out of sight, out of mind. It's much easier when you don't have reminders around 24/7. This includes a whole detox, deleting texts, pictures and anything in your home that reminds you of him/her, you haven't got time for that to be slowing your healing process down, you're in the process of blossoming into an independent queen here girl!

Give it time. As said before it doesn't matter how long it takes you as long as you're patient and not too hard on yourself. Do little things to give yourself a push, go to the gym, read, write, draw etc. Get those bodily endorphins flowing! Stay busy and make new memories to cherish with the people who genuinely love you and stick by you, instead of dwelling on the old ones. Explore news places, take up a new hobby, do the typical "self care" stuff like taking baths with scented salts; it works.

Always remember, with all the exploding emotions that go with a breakup, this too shall pass. You"ll get through it I promise and if you have any other questions, don't be scared to drop a message below! Much love, Umi ♡.

Got a friend going through a breakup? Be sure to share this with them!

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